Joy in the morning.

comfortability.

2009-03-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

In life we all come in contact with things that make us uncomfortable (such as people, movies, situations, etc...) but do we still pursue those things in order for comfortability or is there a line you draw? If one thing is comfortable to someone else and not to you, do you continue in order to be fair with the other person, or should they not in order to not make you uncomfortable? What do you do when all your friends are comfortable with something, and you aren't? Are there things that take time to get use to, or take doing over and over to get comfortable with? Where is the line drawn? When should you be okay with being uncomfortable and not?

Please listen to this song.

2009-01-11T19:25:00.000-08:00

"The Call" By Regina Spektor

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
’Til it was a battle cry
I’ll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it too
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
’Til they’re before your eyes
You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

2009-01-02T16:24:00.000-08:00

I am in love with everything in my life right now. Things are really good, everyone is really good. :)

i can't find you.

2008-12-13T16:53:00.000-08:00

where are you? are you there?
i can't see you, even if your standing right in front of me.
you have lost the site of who you are,
what is important to you.
i know who you are, but where did you go?
there are things that you have said and
things that you have done...
but they are not you.
i know who they are, and maybe that
is where you are.
why are you there?
can't you see i am right here?
can't you see we are right here?
i don't want you to stay there,
but is that what you want?
to put the things that are important
to you, behind those that are of less importance?
i hope not.
open your eyes, and open your heart.
and listen to me when i say,
please come home.
i need you here.

Sent out early.

2008-12-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

Too early for a new years resolution? Nah, I think not. There are actually a couple that I have in mind, ones in which I am certain I will actually follow through on. The first one being, probably one of the most common new years resolutions out there, exercising and eating healthy. I have actually been doing a pretty good job on the exercising part of this one, but coming out short on the eating healthy part. One of the main reasons I have found out as to why I do not eat as healthy as I should is time. In order to eat healthy, you actually have to take time to cook the right foods. Running from home to class to work makes that a sticky situation. However, I have come to find that if I just take fifteen minutes out of my morning, that gives me enough time to fix a good breakfast. Also, I want to be able to get up in the mornings and go for a run. I use to run all the time, then i started to work a lot and there are a lot of other excuses I could come up with... which none of them are good enough. Again, I just need to take the time...get up a little earlier, and just do it. Also the other new years resolution that I am going to make is going to church every Sunday. I have come to realize that yes I do need to work in order to save up money for college, but I do not need to work every Sunday morning. So I am willing to work every other Sunday morning... just as long as I can start going to church, some what on a regular basis. So these are my new years resolutions, stated and heard! Whats yours?

Taking a step back.

2008-11-06T16:15:00.001-08:00

Many times I find myself questioning what is important to me. Is it what im wearing? What people think of me? How I talk? What I say? Who I put first? I use to care a lot about what people thought of me, to the point where I would dress to impress everybody, everyday. I would also find myself talking like the people I hung around with. Saying things like they would, acting as they did, or even saying something that I would normally not say just to make them laugh. I can see this going on around me all the time. I will admit, words that I have tended to use when I am around friends are not the most attractive set of words one could roll off the tongue. Im not sure why we use them, to sound cooler? older? Maybe to sound as if we really do not care what people think of the way we talk? Im not exactly sure, and I do not know if I will ever come to a conclusion. However, when I started to take a step back and actually listen to other people speak those words, I came to realize that it made them sound, well... pretty much dumb. That is when I really started to understand the vulgarness and immaturity in which those words possessed. And that is when I decided, those words were not for me.

"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

Abstain from all appearance of evil."

-1st Thessalonians 5:21-22

...no time...

2008-09-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Since school has started I have really had no free time to write anything, hence there being no blog. As soon as time will allow, an update will occur, i promise :)

Tag! You're it!

2008-08-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

I got tagged today... to do what you may ask? Well, I must list six unspectacular quirks of mine and then in return tag six others to do the same, so here goes nothing!

Six unspectacular quirks of mine…

1. It drives me insane whenever someone I am eating next to takes a bite of their food and chews on that same bite for like eternity it seems! Then finally swallows, and yet again… continues to do the same thing. (they most likely do not realize they are doing it)

2. When I sleep I have to turn the fan on every, single night. Even during the winter and it is 30 below zero outside, and feels like it is in my room the fan MUST be on (I believe it is the sound of the fan, more then the actual breeze it produces)!

3. If I have a missed call on my phone and I check who it was and I do not know the number, I will not call them back just to find out who it was. If they did not leave a voicemail, then it was either the wrong number or what they needed was not that important. However, if they call back and I have the phone on me, I will answer it… most of the time.

4. Whenever I write, I can not plan it out before hand. Almost 98% of the time I write something, it is straight from the heart, or something that has been on my mind for awhile. I get inspired by almost anything… movies, songs, strangers, experiences, and even fights (my last blog post was actually inspired by one…bet you couldn‘t tell). And when i get inspired to write, words just come out without even trying.

5. I am a photographer, I love taking pictures… of anything! And when I do take them, I never think about what I am going to take before I shoot the picture. Just like when I write, about 98% of all my photos are never planned out, its more like… I see something, then instantly take the picture. I do not think about composition, its almost like I do not have to think about it… just sorta happens.

6. Going along with the theme of not planning, Chad just reminded me that I also never plan with I argue or when I have to talk about something important… I just kind of blurt it out (which leads to emotions being spewed out and crying in the end). And about 89% of the time, it does not get anything accomplished.

So there you have it! Six unspectacular quirks! The end result... seems like I am not a very good planner. lol I am now suppose to tag six other people to do the same, however I do not know of six people to tag on here, so instead I am going to take four.

The lucky people who are being tagged:

1. Chadwick

2. Sarah

3. Brooke (never gets on!)

4. Ben (must be a husband, wife thing lol)

Are you ready?

2008-08-06T01:18:00.001-07:00

There are certain things that I have come to find where I cannot change how I feel about them. Such as my religion, my family, the man i love, my music taste, and others that I can neither state or simply just cannot think of. I mean, isn't that how we determine who we are? It's not like we pick and choose things based on what other people want from us or what we think other people would want from us, that is not truly you. When you find out who you are, YOU take the stands, YOU determine how you feel about certain issues and your decisions may be influenced by someone you respect and love, but in the end it is YOU who is making the decisions and choices. The things that you truly believe in and love will help determine who you are as a person.

I have been raised in a christian church ever since I was a little girl, and I have always believed in God. My family has always had a strong faith in God for everything, so as I was growing up of course i adapted to that and started to follow him on my own. There is nothing that can make me change what I believe in, I have faith. There are several people you will meet along the way through out your life that will help you define you who are. Some people you will not realize, and others will make a great impact on you. Your family is the biggest support group you have, there are several things that you are influenced by them, and many things your mom throws at you, you may not agree with... but she means well, I promise.

Love is a powerful and meaningful word and when you can truly speak out the words, "I Love You" to someone and mean it with every ounce in your body, thats joy, pure joy. I have come to realize, that when you love someone it does not matter what other people think or say. Whether it be family that you love or a boyfriend/girlfriend, what other people do does not, or should not reflect on your relationships with the ones you love. Think about the consequences before you take big leaps. If it will in some way hurt or upset someone you love, is it really worth it? Love is everything, it is the bind that keeps all our lives together, the one thing that two total strangers can have in common and know it the moment they smile.

You cannot live without love. You cannot truly live, until you discover yourself.

So go ahead... Live and Love.

I dare ya. :)

The Bucket List.

2008-07-18T01:54:00.000-07:00

As others have proceeded to do so, I wanted to follow the movie "The Bucket List" and write out my very own bucket list. This list is not complete, and it may never be, however I wanted to start writing it so I could start to check things off.

Joy's Bucket List:

1. Visit the long list of countries that I have always dreamt of seeing.

2. Live in a foreign country long enough to experience it fully.

3. Go on a real African safari.

4. Sing in front of thousands.

5. Learn to speak another language fluently.

6. Travel the deep sea to find the big blue whale in its natural habitat.

7. Take pictures that change peoples lives.

8. Go white water rafting.

9. Help out a complete stranger.

10. Go on a hot air balloon ride.

So there it is, MY bucket list... so far anyways. I will certainly be adding things, and checking things off as time goes by.

New Toy.

2008-07-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

For the past couple of years I have been saving the money i earn; either to pay for school or to put it in my funds for a car. Rarely will I actually spend the extra money on myself for clothes or things that I want. I cannot remember the last time I made a big purchase on myself. For birthdays or Christmas I will go all out and spend all my money on others, I love to buy stuff for other people. However when it comes to buying anything for myself I have to think about it and I usually pass the idea up to save my money instead. Well, for about a year now I have been wanting an iPod touch...Chad kept telling me to wait and they will come out with a bigger gb one. So i did, and then they did come out with a bigger one... 32gb for $500!!! I have never in my life spent $500 on myself, let alone $300! There was no way this way going to happen, it was looking as though I would have to wait another year till the prices went down. So of course I was bummed about that whole situation. Then a couple days ago Chad decides that he wants to go to my bank and cash all of our change and one dollar bills that we had saved up. So we went and cashed them it and it turns out it was around $140 or so. So me and Chad always get excited and go on a little shopping spree! We went to best buy, I got a cd and he got a blue-ray dvd. So we had some money left over and we decided to hang out to it, go home and look online at amazon for some more blue-ray dvds. When we got home, we started to look online and picked out a couple movies... we were decided on whether or not to buy them or just to hang onto the money. Then out of the blue Chad types in iPod touch into the search engine on amazon, and they pop up with some links. We click on one that is a good price and it turns out its actually at Target. Chad looks at me and says, "Do you really want that iPod touch?" I looked at him with shock and didn't answer him certainly right away, because I knew he wanted to dvds and I didn't want him to spend all the money on me. Then he asked me again, "Joy, do you really want that iPod touch? because this is a good deal and with this $100 we have left it will only be around $250!" So I thought about it, and kept asking Chad if he was sure that he wanted me to use the money and I kept asking him why? All he said was "because I love you and I love seeing you happy!" So I decided to get it, and we ran to Target and were hoping the whole way there that they would not be out of stock. We got there, and I said "okay, if they do not have what I want it was not meant to be and I will not get it. But if they do, I will buy it." So we walked all the way to the back of the store, turned the corner to the iPod asile, looked down on the bottom shelf, and there it was, ONE left exactly what I wanted. It was meant! So we snagged it and bought it. 16gb iPod touch, orginally $400, at Target for $350 plus Chad's $100 making the grand total, with tax, $270!!! I can say that this is the happiest I have been over something like this in a long time! The iPod touch is the coolest invention ever, seriously... come and play with mine and you'll see! Chad even plays with it more then me! :) lol

All I can say is, I have the most sweetest, wonderful, amazing, and loving boyfriend ever! Thank You Chad Edwin! Thank You so so sooo much! I LOVE You!!!!

fear of confrontation.

2008-06-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have come to realize that I can get my thoughts out more clear and unscrambled if I write them down instead of verbally saying them aloud. I have always had a hard time communicating with people, not with general conversations, but mostly confrontations. Anytime I need to confront someone about a particular matter, my words either get all jumbled and I can't say exactly what I mean or I just chicken out and don't even confront them. I have come to the understanding that my doing of these actions is a mixture of things: fear and lack of familiarity.

Could the fear be because I am afraid of rejection? Sometimes I think that suits with certain moments and other times not. Or could the fear be just a straight fear of asking somebody something of great importance, or even just a simple question? I was always shy when I was younger, and I believe that this could be a result of that. However, working at menards has actually served some good in this area, and my fear of confrontation has minimized.

Along with the fact that I have a fear of confrontation, a lack of familiarity of this area is a result of that. Not being pushed into actually confronting someone about an issue all of my life has finally caught up with me. I think that once I actually understand that the answer may not always be what I would like to hear, that should still not keep me from asking.

Someone who has always pushed me to confront people and be stern is Chad Edwin. He would pretty much push me into certain situations where my heart was racing and I was literally scared. Even though the situation would be something like, confronting my parents or a weird guy at work, I was not use to any of it. However, Chad never gives up on me, never has once. He would just keep pushing me and tell me to keep trying and to be more firm. Without him pushing me into these situations and being along side of me, I think I would still be where I was when I had a fear of confrontations. So Thank You Chad, for pushing me into the deep end, even though I was scared... you believed in me. I Love You.

It's important.

2008-05-31T23:53:00.000-07:00

For the past couple months I have not had the words to write or the thought to even know what to say. My mind is blocked for some unexcused reason, maybe i am trying/thinking to hard? However, that is my excuse for not writing a blog in so long.

Although my words above explain myself, I do however have a few thoughts to write about at the present moment.

Trust is something that is of great value, am I right? Break it, and thats it. The dictionary defines trust as an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Wow... character and strength? Back in grade school trust meant, being able to trust your best friend to hold onto and watch your candy while you went to the bathroom and knowing that it would all be there when you got back. We didn't base it on all of those things, we just knew that we could trust our best friend and everything would be okay.

Over the past couple of years I have had to learn a lot about trust, being able to trust others and gaining the trust of those around me. Sometimes it has been challenging, other times it may be simple, but in the end it is always rewarding to know that you can trust someone. When Chad and I started dating, of course I had suspicions... if there were ever any other girls I didn't know about, or if he did anything that he wasn't telling me. But as our relationship grew, so did our love and trust, it kept growing and now I trust him with everything I have, even my life.

I have also noticed that there is another kind of trust that happens at the drop of a hat. When you have those random moments with a stranger and you ask them to watch something for you so you can go to the restroom and you come back and everything is still there. Then there are those times when a customer comes up to ask for your pen and says "I will bring it back", and I automatically respond, "its okay I trust you."

Trust is bendable, it can be flipped around and eventually it can be broken. All of our relationships are based on the trust that we have with one another. If it is broken, it takes some mending to repair and with a big fat band-aid, sometimes it can be resolved. However, don't risk it with the people you love and care about the most. For those are the ones that will be there for you through anything.

Learn to trust people and let people know that they can trust you.

For trust is built on strength, character, ability, and most importantly, truth.

6:01 p.m.

2008-03-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

This is the exact time that mary and my fight will leave out of bloomington. We will then arrive in Atlanta around 8:40 p.m. where we will sit around for a good while, then we will catch out next flight at 10:59 p.m. From there we will land in Tampa at apporixmately 12:20 a.m. where we will be greeted by our brother!

Now except for the fact that it will be quite a journey that my sister and I will be doing together, by ourselves for the first time. It will also be the longest chad and i have been apart since we have been together. This is going to the be hardest thing for me, instead of being homesick i will become chadsick. haha. No, but really...since we have been dating we have only been apart for one day! Even though this is going to be extremely hard for both of us, i know that in some way it will be good for us.

Well, time to finish packing and amping myself up for my first plane adventure.
See you guys in a week!!!

indecisive and unassertive ban.

2008-03-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

As far back as i can remember i have been extremely bad at making decisions. From simple ones, like which resturant to eat at or what outfit to wear, to more harder ones that involve more emotion. I have also grown up to be incredibly unassertive towards almost everything. I have let people walk all over me and i have let to many opportunities slip out of my grasp because i did not push more for what i wanted. I want to step outside of my comfort zone and make more decisions and be more assertive. I want to be able to stand up to someone who has said something to me that makes me feel uncomfortable. I do not want to be shy, indecisive, or unassertive anymore. Way too many chances have passed me by because i did not try harder, or i did not show that person how much i wanted it. I want to get what i want because i pushed for it, because i did what i had to in order to get there. So from now on if someone asks me what resturant i want to eat at, i will tell them....or if they ask what i want to do tonight, there will be no more "oh, i donno." :) I know someone who gets frustrated when i say those...sorry sweetie! So i am making a promise to you. To everyone and anyone who reads this... I promise to be more assertive and fight more for what i want. I promise to not let people walk all over me or make me feel uncomfortable and not say anything. I promise to make decisions on hard and simple tasks. And i ultimately promise to keep this promise. :) So there i have said it, and it will not be broken. From this day on i will be more assertive and a great decision maker.

"The Internet"

2008-02-13T13:29:00.000-08:00

So as the semester presses on, i am now given an assignment in my english 102 class that is due at the end of the semester. What is it? A research paper. A research paper that has to have a topic dealing with the internet in some way. Now, i am fine with the idea of writing a research paper that has to be a minimum of eight pages i can do that. The thing i am having trouble with is coming up with a topic that will not be boring, has a lot of information, and it pretty much just a good topic.

Alright, so here is your chance to help me out...I need a topic for my research paper, atleast some ideas to get me started. The topic can be anything, as long as it relates to the internet.

I really need help getting some topics thrown around.

Quality, not Quantity.

2008-01-29T20:43:00.000-08:00

I have come to realize something recently that has to deal with my previous post. I have known this ever since i can remember. We all have grown up with it whether in school or with our parents. Its a simple statement..."Its not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality that really matters." I have recently started to think about what this truly means and have concluded that...it means what it states. :) I exemplified this as soon as I got out of high school, realized that some of my friends just were not for me. And you know what, I may not have as many friends as I once did, but the friends that I do have, they have blessed me greatly. I can not dwell on the fact that I have lost friends, there are always more to be made. But you know what, I have thought about this and I am truly happy where I am right in this moment. So as far as I am concerned, disregard my last post...for it does not belong in these hands anymore. :)

Struggle.

2008-01-18T20:14:00.000-08:00

As the past year have flown by, it has not only been one of the greatest i have ever come to know but also one of struggle. A struggle with friendship. Many of my friends that i had in high school changed drastically as soon as they got out. So i began to not hang out with them, because of the choices they were making and the things they were doing. That began a snowball effect to where i am today...pretty much friendless. However i am not saying i do not have many great friends now, i have met so many other friends and family through chad, and chad is ultimately my best friend. Though, when i am not with him its just me and it has been like this for well over half a year. Chad and I have talked about this several times and he has willing let me cry on his shoulder. I pray about it a lot, I am putting it all in God's hands. Its just hard and a great struggle that I am trying to climb the bearer of.

Christmas Love

2007-12-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

So as the holiday arrived quite quickly, i wasn't as excited as i had been in the past years. My Christmas list even showed it i had very little requests on their; gift cards, hoodies, and a puppy that i put on every annual list. For some reason this Christmas was different...there wasn't one thing i wanted, every time someone would ask me for a gift idea, i couldn't give them one. It just wasn't important anymore, i was way more excited giving presents then receiving.

So i have thought about this a lot, why was this Christmas different? Well, was it because i am just older and more mature about such things? Was it because i seriously did not want anything? Sure those could be some of the factors, however i have come to find that there is something much more deep. You see, there is a certain someone who has entered my life with great impact and i believe that he is the reason. Ever since he has been in my life nothing else has seemed as important. Everything kind of started to have a different meaning, and i started to feel differently about most all things. Through our love, i have learned the greatness and power of love and how it makes life seem that much sweeter. I no longer care about getting/wanting things, i take more joy in giving things. For in my hands i have the greatest gift of all and i need nothing more. Being able to spread the love that i am given, through giving gifts and love is the best feeling in the world.

So thank you Chad for showing me life on the sweeter side, for the best Christmas of my life, and for loving me the way you do. I love you completly, with my every inch of a heart! You are truly incredible to me! Thank you. I LOVE YOU!

2007-12-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

So it is official...i am almost deffinitely and upmost certainly broke. After all of the christmas shopping had been finished, in the end i had not a penny to spare. However, i am tremendously greatful that i have a well enough paying job to get my whole family ( and extended ) a gift. Plus! An amazing boyfriend who will go half in on every gift. So i guess if you look at the whole picture, Chad and I are both 110% broke.

Ahh well...you guys are worth it and after all, Tis the Season!

.ELLA and ADDIE.

2007-12-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

these two little girls inspire me incredibly.
they both have so much love, laughter and life
growing inside and around them.everytime i am near them,
or even one of themi cant help but to smile.
they both are growing up so fast and becoming
smarter everyday.

ella is already taller than all the other three year olds,
and im most certain she could be smarter too.
it astonishes me how she can already finish sentences
and be aware of many things around her.
sure sometimes the words in her sentences are slurred
together, but you can still hear them and it makes sense.
just like last night when they all came over for christmas,
she ran in the door with a bag, sets it down, drags out this
big box and goes, "joy, look what i got you, do you want to
open it?" it amazed me.

now addison is such a little stinker. she has to be the cutest
baby alive. just last night i noticed how much taller she is becoming,
i was shocked. addie is learning her words, and is becoming very smart as well.
however in addie i see so much life and laughter.
what i see in addie is what i wish to see in some adults today.
she enjoys every little thing so much and shows it by laughing out loud.
even when those certain times come, and ella grabs a toy away from her,
does she go cry and kick and scream? no she handles it civil and just simply
falls on the ground with her hands underneath her and lays there until she
is ready to get back up. it is the cutest thing to see and i cant help but to
smile everytime.

these two young girls are so similar but yet so diffferent i cannot wait to
see what life brings for them within the next five years.

new plans.

2007-12-14T14:21:00.000-08:00

so, yet again i have changed my mind.
on what?
my major...

I thought the teaching thing would be fun,
and that i would enjoy it however i have found
something that i will like much more.
do you want to know??

no...i don't want to say.

okay okay i suppose ill tell you...

...graphic design!

my dad has always tried to push it at me,
and i always deflected it because it was my dad
who was telling me to do it, and who wants to
listen to their dad. lol although i have found that he
is right, (for once) haha. so i will head to SIUE and major
in graphic design.

now the big plan is...to save up enough money to get a computer. :/
this is gonna be a rough/tight new year.

eye opening.

2007-11-20T12:16:00.000-08:00

the other night riding in the car with chad
we were listening to one our of favorite cd's,
The Rocket Summer. As we were singing our
hearts out and dancing around with the music
blarring, i got tears in my eyes. Why? Why would
that particular song, that band, or the fact that
i was having so much fun bring tears to my eyes?
I then realized how much music is a part of me.
How much i would love for that to be me.
Music, singing, the whole cha-bang.
I don't only just desire it, i have a passion.
a deep engraved passion that ive been born
with and as ive grown up it has matured.
I want to sing to the world.
I want to open my mouth and let my voice pour out.

i have realized that this is a big part of what makes
me...ME.
and however i do it, where ever i do it, i want to
sing my heart out so everyone can hear.

too much work = stressing out big time.

2007-10-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

i have worked way too much in just the
past couple weeks. im tired of it.
tired of working every weekend.
tired of not having a day just to do
absolutely nothing.
but i need money.
so i work a ton
to earn it.
not to sound money hungry,
but i am.
going to school and paying for
school at the same time is drained me
of everything i earn.
and i need money for christmas
presents.
so until christmas is over,
and the last present is bought for.
i may be stressed to the max.
just to for warn you.

LOVE.

2007-10-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

life right now is beautiful.
everyone in it and everything.

love.
pure and gracious.
for the first time in my life,
i have begun to experience
what love really is.
how it feels.
how to love.
and i have come to the conclusion
to express love. to spread love.
to see love. to love everything
and everyone. after all God is love.
and who better else to follow?
no one.
God is love.
so i am going to spread it.
express it.
share it.
love everyone.
love everything.
be love.

2007-09-24T16:28:00.000-07:00

The sony ericsson W580i.
Yes. it is mine. ALL mine!
finally i have a phone where i
am not ashamed to answer it!

i have been wanting a new
phone for well over a year.
and finally i got one!
patience does pay off. =]

this is probably the
sweetest high tech gadget i
have ever owned.

Curfew:

2007-09-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

2 a : a regulation enjoining the withdrawal of usually specified persons (as juveniles or military personnel) from the streets.

Juvenile:

1 a : a young person
2 : a young individual resembling an adult of its kind except in size and reproductive activity: as a : a fledged bird not yet in adult plumage b : a 2-year-old racehorse.

So, as one starts to read this you can clearly see what has been replaying in my mind recently.
I have a curfew. How old am i? 19. Soon to be 20 in less than two months. (oh and by the way in case you haven't heard, the legal age for becoming an adult is 18...see above statement) Which when i read those, i comprehended that i do not apply to any of those what so ever. A little rediculous to have a curfew...and my parent's only two reasons are: "Joy, i don't see why you need to be out that late anyways?"..."I don't want to have to stay up late every night and worry about you!" Its not that i want to stay out late every single night, it is just the fact that when my friends are hanging out on a weekend late at night and i want to hang out also it would be nice to actually be able to hang out with them instead of interupting..."umm, hey chad i need to get home..." (not that he minds at all, but i feel bad because its such an inconvenience for him) So no, i am not going to stay out late every night just because i have no curfew. that is not the reason. And yes i can understand the worrying aspect because its what moms do...but mom, if i were away at college it would be the same ordeal. How would you handle that? you can not worry about me every second. you need to let me go, and now would be a good time...please! not that i do not love you, and appreciate that you worry about me...however, its gonna happen sooner or later, better sooner...then later.

By the way...you want to know the real reason i would like to have no curfew...
So you could actually treat me like an adult. (an adult?!!? yes mom, i am one of those now)
Maybe let me grow up some. (grow up...no, you have to be a kid forever!!)
Let me make some of my choices for once.
After all, that is how we all learn right? getting out there on our own. making our own choices and learning from them. Growing up along the way.

So maybe according to those definitions alone you will change your mind.
Or maybe on the fact that i would really love it if you did!!! =)
Or maybe just the fact that i have become more responsible, i am an adult now, have been for almost two years, and i have been asking you the same question for two years. Could you please listen this time? i mean really listen and comprehend it. Listen to me not as child, not as a sixteen year old girl...but as your nineteen year old daughter who is asking you to let her grow up. and start her life as an adult...please. with this one little step.

a: a fledged bird not yet in adult plumage.
(this definition could be used in a poem somewhere...)
"...the fair maiden sits quietly in her room
a fledged bird not yet in adult plumage..."

-although itd be quite hard to find a word that rhymes with plumage.

b: a 2-year-old racehorse.
...yeah thats it! my mom thinks im still 2 years old and she keeps me locked up, under close supervision, and very disciplined like a racehorse!! hah. figured it out.

ugh.

2007-09-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

i have to give my first speech on tuesday.
it is a self-introductory speech.
7-10 mins long.
i don't think i can talk about myself
for that long.

ugh.

knock, knock.

2007-08-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

Within the past nine months i have had a complete makeover.
not a physical one, but emtionally.

nine months ago i had pretty much given up most things.

-family

-love

-school

-God

i wasn't focused in on any of those...they would just pass
in front of my eyes, in my mind, and leave. nothing could stick
to me, i thought the only thing i had that was true to me were
my friends.

but you see, God works in mysterious ways, and right before
i would of totally given up on everything and
fallen down...something happened.
something amazing, beautiful, powerful,
extrordinary, wonderful...

...Love tapped on my door, and i answered it.

there was no hestitation, no exceptions, all i knew was,
i was not running away, for once in my life...i was going
strongly for something i wanted.

my heart was beating...

my mind was set...
and there was nothing in this world
that could turn me back.
for looking into his eyes, hearing his voice, and seeing his smile...

...i set the rest of my life into his hands.

-i wasn't scarred

-nor worried

-nor lost

-or not even nervous

it was right. it felt right. it looked right. it was just right.
everything about him.
the way it all went.

how i felt.

his words.

his voice.

his eyes.

his smile.

his hands.

his heart.

that night, at that moment...i fell in love.
i fell completely, upwardly into love.
nothing could stop me.
no one could change my mind.

it just happened....

and it is beautiful.

so thank you, for saving me...for coming at the perfect time. you are my everything. i love you completely with all of my heart. thank you. thank you. thank you.

i love you chad edwin cuttill.

I LOVE YOU!

Finally.

2007-08-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

High school art teacher.

Yup.
Thats what i am going to be.

=]
a sigh of relief.

Random Facts.

2007-07-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged to share eight random facts about myself. This particular tag comes from Marsha. I am then to tag 8 others to do the same.

Here are the rules:
1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their eight random facts.
3. Players should tag eight other people and notify them they have been tagged.

And my random facts are...

1. I have always had a craving desire to sing in front of thousands of people.

2. My favorite color changes periodically. Although it tends to stay red, most of the time.

3. When i was younger i wanted to be a vet with my best friend from childhood, courtney. We we were going to call our vet clinic, CJ Animal Clinic.

4. I am absolutely terrified of spiders and flying bugs.

5. I was a huge tom-boy when i was younger. Climbing trees, catching snakes-toads-fish, long ratty hair, the works.

6. I do not like spaghetti as much as i probably should.

7. When i was little, i was in walmart with my mom and i was looking at nail polish. The little bon bons, they are like 97 cents or something, and i really liked this one color so i kept looking at it and holding onto it. Well i had this little purse that i carried around with me, and it was on my arm, this fella walked past the aile i was in, looked down at me, kept walking, then backed up and shook his head at me because he thought i was going to steal the little 97 cent nail polish.

8. I honestly can not wait to be a mother. I absolutely adore children and i can not wait to have my very own. I know so many amazing mothers that take such good care of their children, and raise them well. I can't wait to do it on my own. [ with the help of my husband ]

excitement!!

2007-07-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

Life has only just begun.

sure, i don't know what i want to do.
but i have ideas, and lots of areas of interest.
i'm putting this in God's hands.
He'll lead me were he wants me to go.

The Future.

2007-07-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have changed my major many times.

i can not find something that suits me perfectly.

This is hard for me.

Because i hate not knowing what i want

to do for the rest of my life.

I want to know.

I want to be set.

I want to be confident about it all.

In every way possible.

but i can't.

I have many ideas.

Ideas that seemed like they would work,

and be perfect.

but in every aspect i can find a flaw, or

something that would direct me in a different way.

for example...

...Little Kids:

i love them to death!! They inspire me. They teach me. Everything

about them makes me laugh and love them more. So i figured, i love

them so much, why not open up my own daycare?? that was going

good until the past couple weeks. when i really think about it,

that is not what i want to do. because whenever i have my own

children... i want to spend time with them. My kids. Not the whole

neighborhood of kids and plus my own. Ya know?

...Photography:

I have loved taking pictures ever since the beginning of high school.

and this past semester at school i took an amazing photography class.

I LOVED it!! it was black and white film photography. We took our

own photos on our 35mm cameras with special black and white film.

then we actually got to develop them all ourselves! it was amazing...

and thrilling. you never know how your pictures are going to turn out.

you go back into the dark room, and develop your pictures not knowing

exaclty what is going to come out. and in the end you always end up with

an amazing outcome...and if not, you can always redo it and fix it and make

it perfect. And i actually came to find that i have a talent in that area. so

i figured why not open up my own photography studio?? Well, then i started

thinking...do i have enough drive to actually go through with that?? AM i

actually talented enough??

...Traveling:

Ever since i can remember i have always wanted to travel around the world.

im not quite sure where this drive and thrill seeking adventure came about,

but it has always been there. the desire to seek out and find new things.

learn new cultures, explore the unexplored. You know, the whole works...

the whole world! every country, each continent. EVERYTHING!! but then

i couldn't find an actually job that would be perfect for that, ya know? i thought

maybe a flight attendent? then a travel agent. who knows. And then as i was

talking to someone very important and special to me, he made me realize

that this particular option would not be ideal...there are more important things.

so we will leave my world traveling for vacation times. =]

So as far as the future for joy...it is wide open.

I am up for ideas, advice or encouragement.

lay it out on me.

please. =]

2007-07-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

life...
right now, its breathtaking.