The Future.

I have changed my major many times.

i can not find something that suits me perfectly.

This is hard for me.

Because i hate not knowing what i want

to do for the rest of my life.

I want to know.

I want to be set.

I want to be confident about it all.

In every way possible.

but i can't.

I have many ideas.

Ideas that seemed like they would work,

and be perfect.

but in every aspect i can find a flaw, or

something that would direct me in a different way.

for example...

...Little Kids:

i love them to death!! They inspire me. They teach me. Everything

about them makes me laugh and love them more. So i figured, i love

them so much, why not open up my own daycare?? that was going

good until the past couple weeks. when i really think about it,

that is not what i want to do. because whenever i have my own

children... i want to spend time with them. My kids. Not the whole

neighborhood of kids and plus my own. Ya know?

...Photography:

I have loved taking pictures ever since the beginning of high school.

and this past semester at school i took an amazing photography class.

I LOVED it!! it was black and white film photography. We took our

own photos on our 35mm cameras with special black and white film.

then we actually got to develop them all ourselves! it was amazing...

and thrilling. you never know how your pictures are going to turn out.

you go back into the dark room, and develop your pictures not knowing

exaclty what is going to come out. and in the end you always end up with

an amazing outcome...and if not, you can always redo it and fix it and make

it perfect. And i actually came to find that i have a talent in that area. so

i figured why not open up my own photography studio?? Well, then i started

thinking...do i have enough drive to actually go through with that?? AM i

actually talented enough??

...Traveling:

Ever since i can remember i have always wanted to travel around the world.

im not quite sure where this drive and thrill seeking adventure came about,

but it has always been there. the desire to seek out and find new things.

learn new cultures, explore the unexplored. You know, the whole works...

the whole world! every country, each continent. EVERYTHING!! but then

i couldn't find an actually job that would be perfect for that, ya know? i thought

maybe a flight attendent? then a travel agent. who knows. And then as i was

talking to someone very important and special to me, he made me realize

that this particular option would not be ideal...there are more important things.

so we will leave my world traveling for vacation times. =]

So as far as the future for joy...it is wide open.

I am up for ideas, advice or encouragement.

lay it out on me. 

please. =]